From: The Franconia College Y2K Reunion Planning Committee
To: Franconia College Students, Faculty and Camp Followers Re: Reunion Registration (don't you love the alliteration?)
The Franconia College Y2K Reunion is now accepting registrations for the actual event. The dates are August 18-20, 2000 (with some anarchists planning to arrive on the 17th).
An indescribable effort has gone into the planning of this gala, once-in-a-lifetime (or for those who attended the classless reunion, twice-in-a-lifetime) event. Just thinking about it makes my head hurt. But we on the planning committee did the thinking so that you won't have to. All you have to do is make a few simple multiple-choice decisions and send a check.
Here's what you get:
At the lowest level of membership - $55 for a pass to the event - you get:
1) Admission to the reunion, which includes the use of the Peabody Lodge facilities (including sanitary bathrooms with flush toilets) at Cannon Mountain and access to all the events (poetry reading, open mike, possible theater performances, trivia contest, and other as yet unimagined events)
2) A copy of the Franconia College Decades Late But Better Than Nothing Yearlessbook - which is currently being complied from submissions from faculty, students and interested commentators (your submissions of art, photography, prose, poetry, etc. are encouraged. See the Franconia Forum for a message detailing guidelines or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org for your own personal copy.) This collectable keepsake treasure will probably be available only in a gold-plated ceramic reproduction from the Franklin Mint after the reunion. Don't miss out.
3) A copy of the full-color, full-motion Y2KR video, formatted to fit your TV screen. Re-live all - well, okay, some - of the moments from the reunion that the videographer happens to witness. This 2 hour + film is destined to become an instant classic. See people you never saw before and will never see again performing incomprehensible feats and wishing the videographer would go away. Listen to half-remembered acquaintances mumble endlessly about the "good old days". Experience once again the petty squabbles and conflicts of long ago. Note how much older we all look than we think we do.
4) Admission to the exhibits, ranging from the In Memoriam Board, hailing those daring former Franconians who have preceded us in shuffling off this mortal coil, to the ongoing interactive graffiti exhibit, the Franconia College Ephemera and Memorabilia Collection, the Photo Exhibit, Tales from the Crypt, and much, much more. There's too much to list, so I haven't.
5) Participation in the Franconia Radical Road Rally, a self guided auto tour of important sites in Franconia history and mythology. Enjoy the clouds of dust stirred up on rutted dirt roads, the dizzying turns of the Bethlehem Road (site of the famed Tour de Franconia), and the exciting feel of the frost heaves for which the North Country is duly famous as you enjoy the scenic splendor (and occasional squalor) that was the background of the FC experience.
6) Admission to a guided walking tour of the former site of FC - now a combination of a gravel-pit, brush and rubble dump, a luxury home development, a bed and breakfast Inn and overgrown pucker-brush. The apron of the swimming pool is still visible through the underbrush and the practiced eye of our native guide will help us discern the vague impressions of times gone by.
7) An opportunity to purchase the Group Photo, to be taken at Peabody Lodge. Prints in various formats will be furnished by the photographer for a nominal fee.
8) The Special Limited Edition FCY2KR Tee-Shirt, printed especially for us by Lounge Lizard Extraordinaire Wayne Turiansky, the same guy whose company does all the promotional Tees for Ben And Jerry's Ice Cream! Featuring your choice of Socially Relevant Radical or Conservative designs, this will be something you can slip into when your Yuppie friends don their paint-smeared "VE-RI-TAS" sweatshirts or their faded, sweat-streaked "Yale" baseball caps. A $15 retail value, available only through the FCY2KR.
9) Admission to Endless (or does it just seem that way?) Dance Party, to be held at Peabody Lodge with music provided by The Wicked Smart Horn Band, which features Franconia Alumni and which our North Country friends assure us is the finest dance music ensemble we can afford. Guest musicians from Franconia bands past are also likely to perform in this context.
10) An Honorary Degree of your choice from the Franconia College Institute of Continuing Studies and College Without Walls, Ceilings, Floors, Basements, or Any Other Meaningless Trappings of Bourgeois, Institutionalized, So-Called Education.
11) All the fresh mountain air you can breathe and clear North Country water you can drink. What the heck do you want for a measly $55? You can't even get a decent dinner for two for that kind of money, so stop your whining and fork it over.
BUT WAIT... THERE'S MORE...
Now what would you expect to pay for a deluxe reunion package
like this? A million dollars? A hundred thousand dollars? Fifty-five
dollars? That's right, if you've been paying attention, you know
that I quoted a price of $55 for the basic package twice already,
but for those with the stamina to wade through all this nonsense,
here's the special Early Registration Incentive Package:
If you are among the first 5,000 registrants who return their forms along with a check by April 1 (this is not a joke) 2000, you will receive, in addition to the countless indulgences, benefits and mitzvahs listed above (and others yet to be determined), an extra-special, extra-limited edition, pre-reunion tee-shirt, and - a five dollar discount on your registration fee. You heard me right. For a mere $50, sent with your registration form postmarked before midnight on 1 April, 2000, you will receive all the many treats listed above, as well as the extra-special tee-shirt (a $15 value). This tee-shirt will not be available in stores. It will not be available at the reunion. After the special limited-edition run is printed (based on the number of early registrations received) the printing plates will be destroyed, the printing plant will be razed to the ground and the site re-claimed for a nature preserve and all the employees entered into the witness protection program and relocated to new lives in distant cities.
Extra-special, non-profit, idealistic registration fee waiver disclaimer: If, for any reason, you want to attend the reunion but can't afford the fee, we want everyone to know that no one will be turned away because of inability to pay. No questions will be asked, no judgments made. Just send in a registration form indicating your inability to pay. You will be welcome.
Anyone who can afford to give an additional contribution to defray organizing expenses (which have so far been met out of pocket by members of the Planning Group) or to cover the expenses for those who can not afford the registration fee are encouraged to do so.
We are here for you. The Planning Group has endured the drinking of a lot of wine and sharing of a lot of good hors d'oeuvres, brunches and hot suppers - not to mention grueling moments of meetings - to provide us all with the best possible reunion experience. We hope we have thought of almost everything. If you think of something of which we haven't thought, please let us know.
We want this reunion to be affordable, easy, convenient and above all, fun. The more people that support it, the more people that come and share their lives then, their lives now and the distance in between, the more interesting and enjoyable it will be for all of us.
Please come if you can. Please register early if you are coming, to make planning easier and smoother for those who have to attend to the many practical details of the reunion. Take the time to read the attached (or enclosed) registration form, make your decisions, fill it out and return it (and send your check) as soon as possible.
We are looking forward to seeing all of you, whether we know
you or not. We hope you are looking forward to seeing each other.
Here is your chance. It may not come again. You can register now
by setting your browser on:
If you are on line now, simply click the address above. Remember you get a discount and T-shirt by registering by April 1. Hope to see you in August.